Saturday, June 2, 2012

Being Real

Today's post isn't about a book or writing or anything like that. It's all about being real. Deep down real.

Ever been in a funk and you couldn't explain it? I try to be cheerful and upbeat all the time, but seriously, for the past month, I've mostly been mad. Just angry for no identifiable reason. Have you ever been there?

I don't know. Maybe it's not so much angry as agitated

Personally, things are decent in my life with only the normal aggravations. But, I've been so upset for other people I'm a strung out mess. The middle of this past week, I didn't have enough fingers on one hand to count the number of people close to me who were sick, really sick, and some of them with unexplained maladies that weren't going away. Serious things that really worried me. One of my favorite teachers from high school passed away. He was only 64 and he'd discovered a short three weeks before he had cancer. He didn't deserve to go that way. Heck, no one deserves to go that way. We were also shocked by one of my husband's friends getting arrested. It was so shocking because he was a great guy, awesome to be around. He appeared to be a model citizen. Not so much. What he did was really bad. Shocking. Really distressing. He destroyed his family by his actions. I just cried for his family and for him the other day. His consequences are tragic and, among other things, he's never going to see his kids again. I wish people would think. Really think.

I've just been in such pain for other people.

Literally, every day this week, I went to bed and stared at the ceiling for an hour before I finally got up and brainlessly played an off-version of Bejeweled on my iPad until I couldn't keep my eyes open anymore. Anything mindless to keep me from thinking.

Maybe I shouldn't admit this here. Maybe I should keep everything upbeat and superficial. I don't know. I think sometimes it's best to just be real and to let you know you're not alone if you go through things like this, too.

Hugs to all of you. And hopefully back to the regularly scheduled cheer tomorrow.


Bronwyn Green said...

You've had a lot of overwhelming stress going on. No wonder your not feeling like yourself and are lying awake at night. :(

And there's nothing wrong with admitting that you're upset. Sometimes it makes it easier to deal with.

Know that we're all here for you and that we love you.

Dakota Rebel said...

You are a very caring and empathetic person. It's one of your biggest strengths...but I imagine it can be exhasting.

Those of us who are lucky enough to have you care about them appreciate your concern, but need you to know that we worry about you too. Like Bron said, we love you and we are here for you no matter what.

Long distance hugs, whether you want them or not. :P


Kelsey St. James said...

Aww... don't ever think that you have to fake it to keep everyone else happy! You have to take care of you first or else you can't take care of anyone else. Of course that's easier said than done and I personally suck at it. :) I'm glad you took the time to get this out and I hope it helped at least a little! ;) I'll have a hug for you at GRRWG next week if you want it! :)

And by all means, if you ever just need to vent, hit me up! I can put on my social worker hat and nod & "mmm hmm" for you or just be a friend and say "damn that sucks!" :)

Hang in there, chickie! Mwah!

Anonymous said...

No reason you can't use your blog to vent when you've got serious stuff bottled up inside of you. Seems to me that most people would love to have a friend that cares that much. Just don't let it overwhelm you, please! It doesn't mean you stop caring. It just means you include yourself in the list of people you care about! I hope things even out for you soon.