Monday, February 11, 2008

Anger

So…how do you react when you’re angry? I’m not talking about world issues or injustices. I mean angry. Blinking mad at someone else. There are so many reactions. I’d like to know yours. Tell me about it.

It takes a lot to make me angry. I can take the same thing over and over and over again. I blow it off. I continue to be nice. Perhaps it was a one time deal. There’s no need to make a state case over something incidental. Brushing off the irritation is logical. I tend down that path.

However, niceness, like most things, wears off if the same irritation continues. Eventually, I get to the point where I have no reaction other than snarkiness. WARNING! DANGER AHEAD! And I feel this rage built up inside me. It’s either blow up—and trust me when I blow, it’s ugly—or I withdraw from the game. I just stop playing.

The silence of my anger can be deafening. Ironically, those who have garnered it are so busy continuing what ticked me off, that they don’t even notice. That doesn’t bother me because I’m not wasting my energy anymore. I move on to something else.

Why do I mention this? It’s happened again. I reached my breaking point. Done. End game. I'm an analyzer. And it led me to question. Do I always do this? Yes. Often. Well, not often. Just when I get uber ticked which really isn’t often since I’m fairly even-keeled. But it made me wonder what other people’s M.O. for anger is. So tell me about it. How do you react?

Tell me. And remember, this is for posterity so be honest.

Update: Drew seems to be doing well. He’s back to normal except for being hoarse. Adam has it now, but it doesn’t seem nearly as bad as his brother had it. They both have time to recover today…we have another snow day.

By the way... check the right pane for a chance to win something.

16 comments:

Anonymous said...

I am an old school masochist, so I actually enjoy holding my anger inside. I have let go of many of the things I used to do that hurt myself, but this is one I don't think I will ever get over. I love the way the anger eats at me. But then...I am weird.

This probably wasn't a lot of help, but you asked for honesty. :)


D

Carol Lynne said...

When I begin to feel like my left eye is about to pulse out of its socket, I know I'm pissed.

Yesterday, I think I almost lost both eyes.

Like you, Brynn, it takes a lot to get me angry. I usually take verbal abuse for a good long while before I snap. Believe me, snappage occured yesterday and I'm done. That's how I deal. Done, finished, forget you were ever born, done. It actually feels quite liberating to release a bad seed from your life. Everyone should try it at least once. LOL

Bronwyn's Blog said...

I rage and rage, but rarely ever at the person who's responsible for it in the first place.

I avoid confrontation like nobody's business, but I'm trying to get better about it.

Jennifer Armintrout said...

You've seen me get a little bit angry... like annoyed angry... and I totally explode.

But, when I get really, really angry (say, when someone posts my address on the internet), I sputter and rage and sound like a tea kettle, because my voice just gets higher and higher.

Ashley Ladd said...

Glad Drew is better.

Usually, I clam up and get silent. I don't like scenes. If I can back off, that's what I usually do. Either you won't hear from me for awhile until I settle down, or if it was something really bad, never again. I've done that with two people within the past year. And like y'all are saying, it can be liberating.

If someone backs me in a corner - like yesterday - a donor at the day job became very personally condescending and just kept pushing. I finally snapped and got sarcastic back and even told her the conversation was a nightmare. I wanted to go so much further, but as it was, I risked my day job. I've not lost it like that with a donor in several years.

Kelly Kirch said...

I don't get mad often. It usually requires a breach of trust or a lie that affects the way I have trusted someone. But like Bron I bottle it until "the last straw" and then confront the person (usually with much shaking and heart racing). I can't dwell on it forever. If the confrontation shows I was right about what I perceived occurred, then I BLOW UP and back out of that relationship FAST. I don't need toxic people in my life.

Anny Cook said...

I've spent much of my life in situations where my options were limited. I very, very rarely get angry. Every five or six years maybe. I go "AWAY". Forever.

Lyn Cash said...

Sarcasm. Self-righteousness. Things I don't like in other people surface, and I stifle until I can't. I'm one of those idiots who burns bridges, even if I'm standing on them, so I check my own pulse and temperature as often as possible now - lol. I also surround myself with good friends, better people than I am who aren't afraid of keeping me in line if they see me wander far from where I truly want to be.

I dislike hurting others, but I also dislike BEING hurt or seeing a friend hurt. Words are like fists at times, so...I'm trying to learn to deflect rather than just pummel the crap out of the abuser, thereby making myself just as bad as they are.

I read a blog post earlier today where one writer trashed others, pigeon-holing them into categories, and...while I understood and could even agree with some of what she said, a big part of me thought "What about Miss Hypocrite", the writer who pretends to be nice, or the one who says "I'd never write that kind of crap" (whether it's erotica or a subgenre like m/m) then does a 180 and is writing it...for the money, of course.

Maybe I saw myself in one or two of her categories. I have memory problems (head injury), but I don't want to come off as a ditz - yet I know that I do at times. I just felt uncomfortable, like someone was pointing the proverbial finger at me, even though they weren't.

And I thought "Don't post, don't respond" - ROFL. Don't feed the animals. *sigh* I mean the shit has to stop somewhere, right?

Important thing, though, was that I found myself following suit, getting caught up, and then thinking "You have better things to do - you have writing to do, etc"...and the moment of self-righteous anger passed. But I didn't like my initial feeling.

I didn't like the Miss Deviant part of her post, because I felt she was trashing a friend (or ME), and I wanted to YELL - who gives a rat's ass if Writer So & So makes more money than you do? If you want that kind of money, those kinds of sales, then WRITE MORE - and stop pissing and moaning about others who do. We're not selling our souls if we write a book a week, we're feeding our families, paying medical bills, saving for a family vacation - not taking food out of your mouth!!!

So I guess in answer to your question, I talk myself out of reacting and try to act, to simply let it pass and then act by doing something totally different from how I'd react. Like reading someone ELSE'S blog - LOL.

Aren't you glad you asked? I am. Now I can leave my old blog posts about condom dresses and the kids getting engaged, and I'll have more time to think of a new blog post for my blog. *sigh*

So I'm glad you got angry. *snort* It reaffirms what I already know, that my anger is just that...nothing to do with anyone else really, more to do with me, my thought processes, and my ability to check myself.

Lyn Cash said...

Geezus, I'm sorry that was so long!

Smut Girl said...

I have no discernable pattern. It is quite ridiculous.
1. I scream and yell and to quote the man: "get stuck in a loop." meaning...I repeat the same damn thing over and over and over only slightly altering the analogy or word choices until I run out of air.
2. I shut the f*ck up and do not speak. I speak v.v.v.v.v.v.v.v softly only if forced to like dangerous psychotic convinct type person.
3. I slam stuff around.
4. I leave and pretend I am fine.
5. I say I am fine but bitchety bitch bitch to anyone who will listen.
6. I hit a pitch only dogs can hear.
7. I write a character about the offender and then kill them.

Wow. I am twisted.
Hope you have recovered from your anger. HOpe you are not angry at me. See, you really want to make me spill secrets...ask me about irrational guilt...lol
xoxo
Sommer

lyntaylor said...

I rant and rave to myself but put me in front of the person I'm ranting and raving about I'll shut up like a steal trap. I hate confrontation. Even if I KNOW I'm right. I hold on to it and stew on it a while then tend to forgive and forget.

If there is someone I can no longer trust, I'll usually remove myself from their circle. I'll always be polite if I bump into them but won't go out of my way to be overtly friendly. I'm rarely ever rude. If I am it's proof that I've had enough and won't stand for their behaviour any longer.

I'm very careful about what I say and how I say it (especially on the internet). Probably why I seem a bit slow on the uptake - I'm usually thinking what to say next LOL. I have a sixth sense when I do say something wrong. I seem to know instantly - it's like my heart drops in my chest. Yet when someone else has a go at me I often don't even notice until I'm removed from the situation and then I start fuming LOL!

Prime example yesterday. I dropped into our local bakery - you know, support the local community. I wanted to know if they had (in my words) 'Something similar to the Bakers Delight Capeseed Bread?' (which is a heavily seeded bread)
Their immediate response was 'Well go to Bakers Delight if you want that .. *smirk - aren't I funny - look to friend*.
I laughed along with them, joking that Bakers Delight was a good 1/2 hr drive away, yada, yada.
It wasn't till I was driving home that I thought it really was a simple question. Do you have something 'similar'. I didn't ask if they had 'it'. H

How hard would it have been to just say 'no we don't have that but we have a multigrain or wholemeal'? Why be so rude?

It's times like this that I wish I was more switched on. I should have replied 'I didn't ask if you had 'it' I asked if you had something similar but with an attitude like that I don't think I'd want to buy it here, even if you did have 'it'. So stick that in your pipe and smoke it!

Gee. Hindsight is a wonderful thing, isn't it?

Sandra Cox said...

I either clam up or start cussing:)
Sandra

sterlingwriter said...

I spout off to an understanding ear then decide I'm just giving power and energy to the person who upset me, so I shut up and forget it. Is it worth tying yourself up in knots?

Molly Daniels said...

I have a long fuse, but when I blow up, watch out. I yell, scream, kick things, and who knows what may come out of my mouth? And I'll generally forget half of what I said.

And if it's a deep anger, I actually see red. I got into a feud with a neighbor and she had the gall to report me to a gov't agency. None of the allegations were true, and we both lost a valuable friendship with a third party over it, because of having to 'take sides'. I also saw a side of myself I didn't know existed...I started having vindictive thoughts. Thank god I didn't carry any of them out; it only would have made the situation worse. But it scared me to think I could get THAT angry enough to want to pull a stunt similar to what you see on daytime TV...

On the flip side, I can also be passive-aggressive. Check out my post yesterday...

Sandra Cox said...

Love that pic:)

Ashley Ladd said...

HEADS UP! I just tagged you for a 6Random Things about you meme, on my blog at: http://ashleyladd.blogspot.com/

Let me know if you do this, and if so, when, so I can learn a little more about you.