Friday, December 21, 2007

Swimming With the Sharks

This is The Legend of the Pens (actually true, so I guess it’s not much of a legend... yet). It was on one of my old blogs three years ago.

It was a day much like any other day since I’d started working there, back before I’d lost my innocence and I still believed I could get along with all six of my co-workers. Hey, I believed in Santa once too.

We had a meeting every morning. It was a stupid meeting where nothing was ever accomplished. Often we'd listen to three of the attendees talk about their grandchildren. One of them was the boss, so what could you do? I doodled in my notebook quite a bit.

Anyhoo... the meeting... I'd gotten there a little early and realized that I’d left my report at my desk, so I dropped my notebook and pen on the table and ran across the hall to get the paperwork. It's dumb but the pen I'd left was my favorite pen of the moment which meant it wrote well and I'd use it for everything until the ink died. I’d picked it up during my business trip to California and had been using it ever since. It was nothing special, I just liked the way it wrote.

When I returned to the conference room, my notebook sat in its place, my pen however was nowhere to be found. I shifted my stuff around and looked on the floor, thinking I’d dropped it. Nothing. “Where’s my pen?” I muttered to myself. My coworker, Kari, smiled and leaned back in her chair. Kari, the bitch princess, was--and probably still is--evil. I believe the devil is her mother. I know, because I worked with her mother too.

“It was mine,” said the bitch-princess.

Excuse me!!!! What??

“I brought it back with me from California,” I said, incredulous. Okay, not only is Kari the devil’s spawn but she’s not so bright either. My boss had once tried to soothe me by saying she couldn’t ever get anyone to do the job Kari did for what she paid her. That didn’t make me feel much better. I suspected my boss couldn’t get anyone to do MY job for what they paid me.

Irritated, I continued, “It’s my pen.”

Kari smirked. “All the pens like that are mine.”

“Whatever,” I sighed in disgust. That lunch hour I went out and bought four boxes of those same pens from Office Depot. And then...

All the pens like that were mine.


Bronwyn's Blog said...

I can't believe you tormented poor Scari...I mean, Kari like that.

Man, I'm glad you don't have that job anymore - what a freaking nightmare.

Amarinda Jones said...

I believe Kari needed to be tormented. A woman's pen should not be trifled with

Dakota Rebel said...

Pens are very important. I too have a pen thief in my office. One of the salesmen I am required to babysit loves to wander off with my very special, quite expensive, Scripto pens. And I will go to his desk every night after he leaves and take them back. Once I called his cell phone and made him come back to the office when he stole my red Scripto pen. It was a very "Office Space" moment for me.
"Where is my red stapler...I mean pen? Frick, Bruce took it. And he is gone."

Do not screw around with an authors pens. We get testy.

Happy Holidays Brynn! Hope you get tons of fun presents.


Smut Girl said...

pens are sacred. you shoulda kicked her ass...

Anny Cook said...

A woman's pen is sacred. Yay, Brynn! No one touches my pens. No one.

lyntaylor said...

LOL! You should have snatched it off her and stabbed her in the eyes with it!

Kelly Kirch said...

Great solution!! AJ had a blue pen black pen situation with her former assistant. We should relive that moment. Aj?

sterlingwriter said...

I am so picky about my pens. It has to have the right feel, weight, etc. My favorite at the moment is a $1.99 Scripto.
I think a special Christmas card should be sent to Kari (hint hint)